Unpaved
by purplepagoda
Summary: Alexis finds herself needing her mother. And, yet during her time of crisis she ends up in D.C., on Kate's doorstep in the middle of the night. How will Castle react to the situation? Will he forgive Kate for hiding the truth from him?
1. Wake Up Call

She rolls over in bed, onto her side, groaning. She blinks, as she stares at the red digits of an alarm clock sitting on her bedside stand. The clock shouts at her, telling her that it is exactly, _3:58_, A.M. She pushes aside the covers, and sits up. Her feet hit the floor, and she moves into a standing position. Her bare feet smack on the hardwood floor as she makes her way to the noise responsible for interrupting her sleep on her day off.

She stops at the door, and peers out the peephole. She expects to see Castle's face on the other side of the door despite the fact that he's promised to give her the day to herself. The face she finds on the other side of the door is not the one that she is expecting. She reaches up, and unlocks the dead bolt. She grabs the door handle, and twists the lock. She pulls the door open.

"What are you doing here on my doorstep at four o'clock in the morning? What's going on?"

The person standing in front of her looks up at her, with a red face, and red eyes. She's been crying, clearly for some time now. Tears stream down her face stinging her cheeks in the process. She stares at Kate, saying nothing. She wears a pair of pajama bottoms, and a hoodie.

"Alexis, what's wrong?"

Finally Alexis breaks her silence, "Everything."

"Come in," Kate insists.

Alexis enters the apartment, and Kate closes, and locks the door behind her. Kate leads her towards the living room. She points to the couch.

"Sorry for the mess. Have a seat."

Alexis takes a seat on the couch. Kate finds a spot on the arm of the couch to sit. She looks at the nineteen year old sitting before her. Alexis' hair is pulled off her face in a braid.

"Alexis what are you doing in D.C. at four o'clock in the morning on a Saturday?"

"I... I didn't know where else to go."

"Does your dad know that you're here?"

"No. Please don't tell him that I'm here."

"Alexis how did you get here?"

"I drove."

"You drove? It's nearly a four hour drive."

"I know," she sniffles.

"You could have called."

"I am so sorry that I woke you up. I know that today is your day off, and I am sure that you were planning on sleeping in. I ruined that. I'm sorry, I just didn't know who else to talk to."

"Alexis are you okay?"

She shrugs, "I don't know."

"What happened?"

"This is all my fault."

"Alexis what is your fault? Tell me what happened. Whatever it is I will try to help you fix it, okay?"

Alexis' lips draw into a line. She takes a deep breath. She wipes the tears from her face, "You can't."

Kate stares at the nineteen year old child in front of her. She remembers being that age. She remembers how every little thing felt like the end of the world.

"You came to me for a reason," Kate points out.

"He is going to hate me. He is going to hate me. I don't know what to do. How am I supposed to..." she rambles.

"Alexis slow down. Take a deep breath. I need you to tell me what is wrong, okay?"

"Everything," she exhales.

"Everything? Can you be a little more specific?"

"My whole life," Alexis explains.

"What makes you say that?"

"Because it's true."

"Did you tell anyone where you were going?"

"No. I just got in the car, and drove. I didn't know where else to go."

"Your dad is going to be worried about you."

"I moved back into the dorms," she reminds Kate, "he won't know the difference."

"Why did you drive here in the middle of the night? What is wrong? Are you in trouble? Did you get arrested? Do you have a warrant out for your arrest?"

She shakes her head, "It's not that. I didn't break the law."

"Then whatever it is can't be that bad," Beckett tries to reason with her.

"It's worse than that," Alexis argues.

"Why do you think that I can help you?"

"I'm not here because I think that you can help me."

"Why are you here?"

"Because I couldn't talk to anyone else."

"What about your dad?"

"Especially him."

"Why not?"

"My entire life I have been the good kid. I have done everything that I was supposed to do. I have been a good student, a good daughter, a good person. I have always been the responsible kid. He is going to hate me for this. He is going to be so disappointed."

Kate's eyes fall on Alexis' face. Alexis doesn't make eye contact. She stares at the floor. Beckett's heart skips a beat as she thinks of the possibilities.

"Alexis I don't think there is anything you could do that would make him disappointed in you."

"There is only one thing," she admits, her eyes rising to meet Kate's glance.

"Are you telling me that..." Kate can't finish the sentence due to the total improbability of the situation.

Alexis swallows hard, "I'm pregnant."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Tests can be wrong."

"I went to the doctor earlier today."

"Oh."

Alexis reaches into the pocket of her hoodie. She pulls out a folded piece of paper. She hands it to Beckett. Kate unfolds the paper, and stares at the black and white image.

"As much as I want it to be untrue I can't ignore proof. Kate I am nineteen years old. I am not this person. I don't make mistakes like this. I always make smart choices. I have to finish college, and go to grad school. I am supposed to make something of my life. I was valedictorian. This isn't how my life is supposed to go. I don't want to give up everything that I have worked for my entire life, for one mistake. It's not fair. I don't want this to define who I am, who I become."

"So don't let it."

"I'm scared."

Kate looks down at the picture in her hands, then to the girl on her couch. She vacates her seat on the arm of the couch. Tears trail down Alexis' cheeks. She takes a seat next to her on the couch, and wraps her arms around her.


	2. Listen To Your Heart

"It's okay to be scared," Kate reassures her.

"I don't know what to do. How am I going to tell my dad? He is going to be so disappointed."

"I don't think that you have to tell him, not until you're ready."

"I know."

"Alexis you have to make this decision on your own."

"I told Pi today."

"How did he take it?"

"He packed up his stuff, and he left."

"I am so sorry."

"At least I know now, as opposed to later."

"What do you want me to do?"

"You don't have to do anything. You can't fix it."

"So why did you come to me?" Kate queries.

"I couldn't tell dad."

"Why not?"

"Because he wouldn't understand."

"So why me?"

"I couldn't tell gram, either. My mom... I wouldn't go to her if she was the last person on earth. I needed to talk to someone who wouldn't judge me. I just needed someone who would listen."

"So you drove all the way down here in the middle of the night?"

"I couldn't sleep," she admits.

"So how far along are you?"

"About five weeks."

"Alexis if you don't want this, no one ever has to know."

Alexis swallows hard, "But what if I do?"

"What do you mean?"

"What if I do want this?"

"You're nineteen."

"And I have my entire life ahead of me. I would be doing it on my own. It is crazy, and stupid. It is naive of me to think that I could ever do it on my own. But what if in ten years from now I regret that I didn't do it? How am I supposed to decide? How am I supposed to choose the right thing? I have no idea how my life is going to turn out."

"I don't know. You just have to listen to you're heart."

"I don't know what my heart wants. I know that my brain is telling me that it is a terrible idea, that I would be foolish to give up everything that I have worked for my entire life."

"What is your heart telling you?"

"I wish that I knew."

"It isn't going anywhere. Why don't you sleep on it? I'll get you a pillow, and some blankets. You can get some sleep on the couch. When you wake up we'll talk about it some more. You look exhausted."

"Okay," she agrees.

* * *

Kate wakes up to the smell of coffee. She crawls out of bed, and quickly gets dressed. She finds Alexis sitting at her kitchen table.

"I made you some coffee."

"Thanks."

Kate pours herself a cup of Joe, and then joins Alexis at the table. She takes the seat next to her. Alexis sits at the table staring at the black and white image.

"Alexis what are you thinking?"

"What would you do?" Alexis responds with her own question.

"At nineteen? I don't really know. When I was nineteen I had just lost my mother. The whole course of my life changed. She was the person that I could always turn to. I never could have talked to my dad about something like that. He is very old fashioned. He never would have approved of me having a child out of wedlock."

"That doesn't answer my question," Alexis points out.

"How would I have ever finished school? How would I have ever become a homicide detective if I had a child?"

"What if you didn't? What if you didn't finish school?"

"I don't think that is one of your options."

"What do you mean?" Alexis cocks an eyebrow.

"Whatever you decide, I don't think that anyone is going to let you quit school."

"How am I supposed to finish school if I have a baby? Who is going to watch it while I'm in school?"

"I don't have the answer to that."

"He'll never forgive me for this."

"Who?"

"Dad."

"He loves you, unconditionally."

"He would hate me for this."

"No."

"I'm scared of what he might say, or what he might do."

"This isn't about him," Kate reminds her.

Alexis looks down at the picture lying on the table, in front of her. "No, it's about this," she points.

"Alexis I have never been in your shoes. I can't tell you what I would have done, or what you should do."

"I know. I just never imagined that something like this would happen to me. I feel like my entire life has been turned upside down. I guess I never realized how easily life could change course. It only takes one moment to change everything."

"I know."

"How do I even begin to make a decision like this? I mean I love pro and con lists, but that seems... this isn't black and white."

"Whatever decision that you make, you are the one who has to live with it."

"My dad, he has always made me feel like the center of his universe. He never made me feel like he resented me, or he that he had to sacrifice for me. I wouldn't want a child to feel like I resented them, because I had to change the entire course of my life for them. I just don't think that I'm ready for this. I can barely take care of myself. I am too young to be anyone's mother."

"Alexis whatever you decide I will support you."

"What if dad can't? What if he hates me? What if this drives a wedge between us?"

"He loves you no matter what you do," Kate reminds her.

"Do you think that is enough? What if he never forgives me? What if he is disappointed? What if he hates me?"

"He could never hate you."

"But he is going to be so disappointed."

"More disappointed than you are with yourself in this moment?"

"Probably not," she admits.

"Alexis explain to me how this happened," Kate insists.


	3. Shouldn't Be You

"I never understood how something like this could happen. It isn't as if it is difficult to prevent. I never realized how easy it is to get caught up in the moment, and make a stupid decision. I didn't think about how easily it could change everything. It was one time. I didn't think that... I mean I knew that it could happen, but..." she trails off.

"You thought it wouldn't happen to you?"

"Now I feel like the biggest idiot. I feel so incredibly naive."

"Everyone makes mistakes."

"Not like this. I can't take this back. I can't fix it. I mean I can pretend that it never happened, but it isn't as if I can totally erase it. I can't changed what has happened."

"Alexis everyone is young once."

"Not everyone ends up in this situation."

"Do you know how many of my friends had pregnancy scares in college?"

She shrugs, "I don't know."

"A lot. All of them were well educated. Everyone of them made bad decisions. Some of them made choices that were alcohol fueled. Some of them were persuaded by their boyfriends that they didn't need to use anything."

"How many of them actually ended up pregnant?"

Kate thinks back, "That I know of for sure?"

"Yeah," Alexis nods.

"Two."

"What did they do?"

"One of them ended up with a shotgun wedding, and a baby."

"Did she finish school?"

"Nope."

"And the other?"

"She didn't have the baby. She's the CEO of a very successful publishing house."

"What about you?"

Beckett furrows her brow, "What about me?"

"Did you ever make a mistake like that? Did you ever have a pregnancy scare?"

"I wish that I could look at you and tell you that I didn't, but I can't. Alexis no one is infallible."

"How did it happen?"

"After my mother's murder I spent a lot of time trying to forget. One night I had gone to a party, and all I wanted to do was forget. I just wanted to make the pain go away. I drank more than I have ever drank in my entire life. When I woke up the next morning I was in someone else's bed. It was not one of my finest moments."

"Then what happened?"

"I was a couple of days late. I don't think I have ever been so scared in my entire life, as I was when I was sitting in the bathroom waiting for that test. I was already having an identity crisis. When I realized that it was negative I vowed to make better choices. I vowed to find some direction for my life that would be positive. I don't know what I would have done if it had turned out differently. I mean I was a nineteen year old kid. How could I be anyone's mother when I didn't have one myself? I knew I couldn't do it without her, and she," Kate blinks away tears, "was gone."

"There are so many things that I want to do. Having a baby will ruin everything that I have worked towards my entire life. I have worked so hard to get where I am now. One mistake threatens to take everything away."

"Alexis whether it is a burden, or a blessing, you are the one who decides that."

"You know, I shouldn't be here," Alexis tells her.

"What do you mean?"

"You aren't the first person that should come to my mind when I need to talk to someone, and I can't talk to my dad. I have a mother, but... she has never been around when I needed her. When I call her sometimes she doesn't even answer. It shouldn't be your burden to have to listen to me, and my problems. But sometimes," she tries to hold back the tears, "I fee like you're the only person that understands me. My mother isn't dead, but she's gone, all of the time. Most of the time I feel absolutely no connection to her at all. I feel closer to you."

Kate doesn't say anything. She reaches out, and hugs Alexis tightly as tears stream down the young woman's face. Finally she lets go, and Alexis wipes her tears away.

"Alexis I will always be here for you, anytime you need me. Even here, I am always just a phone call away. You know that I will always answer your call, no matter what."

"I don't want to be like her. How can I even consider being someone's mother, when mine was no role model?"

"Your gram..."

Alexis cuts her off, "She is a great grandmother, but she wasn't the greatest mother. She was selfish. She still is sometimes."

"Alexis if this is something that you decide you want to do I am sure that you will be great."

"How can you say that?"

"Because I know you," Beckett answers.

"I should head home. I have a lot of homework to do."

"Okay. You'll call me if you need me?"

"Yeah," she agrees.

"If you need anything?"

"Okay," Alexis agrees.

Kate smiles at her, and hugs her for a moment. "Please drive safely. Text me when you make it, okay?"

"I will."

"And don't text while you drive," Kate warns.

"I won't."

"Okay."

"Kate?"

"Hm?"

Alexis slides out of her seat, and rises to her feet. Kate also rises into a standing position.

"Are you going to tell him?"

"Tell him what?"

"About this?"

"No. It isn't my place to tell him. If you want him to know, that is up to you."

"Thank you."

"Let me know what you decide?"

"I will," Alexis turns to head for the door.

Kate looks at the picture lying on the table.

"Alexis?"

Alexis turns to look at her. Kate grabs the picture off the table. She holds it out. "Don't forget this."

Alexis takes the image from Kate's hands, "Thanks."

"I'll see you later."


	4. Option Three

Several days later Kate is leaving the airport when her phone rings. She heads into the airport parking lot. She unlocks the car door, and ducks inside. She slams the door closed, and looks at the phone in the palm of her hand. She slides her finger across the screen to unlock it. She presses the phone to her ear.

"Hello?"

"Kate?" the voice on the other end of the line answers.

"Alexis?"

"I..." she tries to formulate words to explain the way she's feeling.

"Alexis are you okay?"

"No," she admits simply, as tears fall from her eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"I can't..." she feels as if she can't breathe.

"Alexis where are you?"

"I can't do this," Alexis insists.

"Alexis I'm at the airport now. Text me the address I will come get you."

"I didn't know you were flying in this weekend."

"It was last minute. Do you want me to come get you?"

"Please," she answers in a small voice.

"Okay I'm on my way."

"Okay," Alexis hangs up.

Kate pulls up to a street corner fifteen minutes later. She finds Alexis sitting on a bench at the bus stop. She stops the car against the curb, in front of the bus stop. She honks the horn. Alexis looks up, and vacates her seat. She opens the door, and climbs into the passenger's seat. Kate looks over at her. Alexis' face is red, and tear stained. She looks conflicted, as she reaches for her seatbelt. The look on her face tells Kate that she isn't ready to talk.

"You hungry?" Kate offers a temporary reprieve.

"Yeah," she nods, not making eye contact.

"I know a place."

Half an hour later they're sitting in a diner, at a booth. Kate sits on one side of the table, facing the door. Alexis sits on the other side. The table has half filled cups of beverages, and empty pie plates. Kate looks at the wounded nineteen year old girl sitting across the table from her. Alexis looks up to meet her glance.

"Are you ready to talk about it?"

Alexis nods, subtly, "I can't do it. I couldn't do it."

"Do what?"

"I made an appointment for this afternoon."

Kate's hearts sinks, "Oh."

Alexis shakes her head, "And I couldn't do it."

"Oh," Kate responds.

"I am not ready for this kind of responsibility."

"What are you telling me?"

"I am scared, and I..."

"Alexis you could have told me. I would have gone with you."

"It isn't something that anyone should have to..."

Kate cuts her off, "I would have taken you."

"It doesn't matter. It wouldn't have changed anything. I realized that I can't do it."

"You have moral objections?" Kate guesses.

"That's not it."

"So?"

"Reality is much different than theory. I thought that I could do it. I thought that I wouldn't feel..." she pauses to try to wrap her head around it, "I didn't think I would feel like this."

"And how is that?"

"I am nineteen years old, I still have to finish college. I am single, and... I am not ready to be a parent."

"But?"

"Someone out there is."

"What are you saying?"

"I've spent days feeling like I am being punished. I felt like it was punishment for something I had done wrong. Quite obviously it is a consequence, but it wasn't until earlier today that I realized it doesn't have to be a punishment. I could stop right here, and pretend that nothing happened, but for as long as I live it would be in the back of my mind. I would always wonder who this person may be. I would always wonder if I did the right thing. I don't want to feel like that. I don't want to feel like I destroyed something, someone that I created. I don't know if I could ever get over that."

"So you want to keep it?" Kate furrows her brow, trying to understand what Alexis is telling her.

"I am not ready to make the kind of sacrifices that are required to raise a child. Someone out there is, though. Someone is out there right now waiting for the opportunity to raise a child. Someone wants this more than I could ever imagine," she swallows hard, "Someone wants this, in a way that I may never understand. Until today all I could think about was what a burden this was. I am young, and I have a lot of things that I want to accomplish before I am ready for a responsibility like this. I can't take this back, but I can change my perspective."

"Yeah," she nods in agreement.

"I want to have the baby."

"But you don't want to keep it?" Kate replies, trying to clarify.

"I want to place the baby for adoption. It is the only situation where everyone involved wins."

"You're sure about this?"

"This is what I want," she nods.

Kate smiles, "I think that what you are doing is very courageous."

"But?"

She shakes her head, "No buts. I think you are being very brave."

"You don't think that I am making a mistake?"

"Alexis the only opinion that really matters is yours. What do you think?"

"I think that this is the best option."

"Then, I will support you however I can."

"Can you not tell him?"

"You know that you are going to have to tell him, eventually, right?"

"I want to be the one to tell him."

"I promise that I won't tell him," she vows.

"I just need some more time. I need some time to process this. I am just not ready to face him yet."

"That's okay."

"Will you be there when I am?"

"Of course," Kate agrees.


	5. Admission of Guilt

3 Months later- Kate has left her job with the attorney general, and has returned to New York. It's early on a Saturday morning. Kate stands in Castle's kitchen pouring herself a cup of coffee. Alexis sits at the counter eating her breakfast. Martha is still not in from her night out. Castle enters the room, pajama-clad. He shoots Alexis a look.

"Is that my cake?"

"Your cake?" she furrows her brow.

"You are eating my left over chocolate cake. We had it for dinner last night. I was going to eat it for breakfast this morning," he explains, outraged.

"First of all it was my cake," Kate begins, "and second of all if you go take a shower, and get dressed I will buy you a piece of cake for breakfast."

"Alexis when I agreed to let you move home I did not agree to allow you to eat my... Kate's leftover cake."

"Rick!" Kate shoots him a look, "Go get dressed. Leave her alone. She didn't know you were saving it for breakfast."

Castle shoots Beckett a look, "Ever since you got back from D.C., and moved in here, and Alexis moved back, you have been taking her side, a lot. I demand to know what is going on here. I can see that there is a conspiracy, and I full intend to find out what it is," he warns them, as he moves towards the piece of chocolate cake.

"Dad you smell like armpit," Alexis comments as he grows closer.

He gives her a stern look, "Fine I will go take a shower, but I vow that when I return I will solve this mystery," he pauses for dramatic effect, "immediately following the part of the day where I eat some chocolate cake."

"Okay," Alexis nods.

He leaves the room. Kate moves across the room, stopping next to Alexis, who sits on a barstool. Beckett sets her coffee mug next to Alexis. She glances at the half eaten slice of cake on her plate, and then at her.

"Alexis you have to tell him."

"I will."

"When?"

She shrugs, "I don't know. I thought he would put it together when I moved back."

"That was three months ago. You have to tell him. He notices details. It isn't going to be long before his keen powers of observation override his powers of denial."

"I am just waiting for the right time."

"The right time? When do you think that is going to be? The day you go into the hospital?"

"Why do I have to tell him at all? You and I have discussed this at great lengths. I do not want to keep this baby."

"And what if you change your mind?"

"I won't."

"You still have to tell him. You owe it to him."

"But I don't know how to tell him."

"I will go get his cake. I'll give you some time to talk to him, alone."

"No."

"No? Why not?"

"You have to be here," Alexis insists.

"Why?"

"To protect me," she answers.

"I don't think that you need me to protect you."

"Please don't make me do this alone," she begs.

"I'm going to go get dressed," Kate leaves the room.

"Okay."

Kate is in the bathroom brushing her teeth, a few minutes later, when Rick gets out of the shower. He grabs a towel, and joins her at the sink. He watches her as she spits the combination of toothpaste, and saliva into the sink.

"Can I ask you something?"

She rinses her toothpaste, "Since you waited until I was finished brushing my teeth this time, yes, you may."

"Am I the only one who has noticed it?"

"Noticed what?" she cocks an eyebrow.

"How weird Alexis has been acting. Ever since she moved home she has been so strange. I am still not entirely clear on her reason for moving home. I feel like she's shutting me out. I feel like she's keeping something from me. Do you know what is going on with her?"

"You should talk to her."

"You aren't going to offer a theory, or an opinion?"

"That is your department."

"So, you do know what is going on with her?"

"I am going to go finish reading the newspaper," she excuses herself from the room.

After he finishes getting dressed he heads for the kitchen. He finds two of his favorite women sitting at the counter reading the newspaper. He stops next to Alexis. He kisses her cheek. She looks up at him, and places the section of newspaper that she's reading on the counter.

"Alexis my darling daughter," he begins.

"Yes, dad?"

"What is going on with you?"

"Well, I am reading the newspaper. Would you like a section of it? I think the business section is available."

"That is not what I meant, and you know it."

"Okay."

"Alexis what is going on with you, on a more personal level?"

"You shouldn't ask questions that you don't want to know the answer to."

"Tell me anyway."

"It is complicated."

"You never told me why you wanted to move out of the dorm. You never told me why you and Pi went your separate ways."

"Why do you care? You didn't even like the guy."

"But that doesn't mean that I don't care why you broke up with him. I care about you."

"Fine," she nods, "We broke up because he is afraid of responsibility."

"I sensed that the moment I laid eyes on him," Castle admits.

"He left."

"All of the sudden? I don't want to say I told you so but..."

Alexis shakes her head, cutting him off, "First of all, I don't need the lecture. Second of all, it wasn't all of the sudden."

"What's going on here?"

"Dad I don't know how to tell you this. I have rehearsed this in my head a million times. I never know where to start. I don't have any idea how I am supposed to say this to you."

"So just spit it out," he suggests.

"I'm pregnant."

His mouth gapes open. His eyes remained fixed on her face. His face twists into a look of confusion, and pain.

"What?!"


	6. Betrayal

"I am so sorry."

He swallows hard, and he shakes his head, "You can't be pregnant. You are nineteen years old. You are still a baby, you're my baby, you can't be pregnant."

"Daddy, I am so sorry."

He takes a step back, "No."

"I didn't know how to tell you. I knew that you would be disappointed. I am so sorry. I have tried to tell you, for weeks, but I could never find the right thing to say."

He furrows his brow as he scrutinizes her appearance, "Weeks? You have been trying to tell me for weeks? How many weeks? A couple of weeks? A few weeks? How long have you known?"

"Several she reveals."

His eyes move from Alexis, to Kate, who sits silently, next to Alexis, trying to remain focused on the newspaper.

"And you knew," he realizes.

She puts down the paper, and turns to look at him, "She was afraid to tell you, and she needed someone to talk to."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"It wasn't my place," Kate points out.

His eyes refocus on his daughter, "How long have you known?"

"A while," she admits.

"How long is a while?"

She swallows hard, "Weeks. Months."

"What?! Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"Because I couldn't. I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want to tell you before I knew what I was going to do."

"How far along are you?" he wonders.

"Months."

"Define months," he insists.

"Four months, and one week."

He stares at her in utter disbelief. His mouth feels dry, and his pulse quickens as his face turns red.

"So, seventeen weeks? How could you not tell me?"

"Because I was scared. I was afraid to tell you. I didn't want you to hate me, and I didn't want to face you."

"I am your father."

"I know. I was just so scared. I didn't want to have to see that look."

"What look?" he questions.

"The look of disappointment that is on your face right now."

"Alexis you are nineteen years old. You a sophomore in college. You can't have a baby. You aren't ready. I am not going to let you quit school, give up your whole life for this."

"I am not planning on quitting school. I am not planning on keeping it, and raising it. I know that I am too young. I have my entire life ahead of me."

"So what are you planning on doing?" he inquires.

"Placing the baby for adoption," she reveals.

He walks past her, and out of the kitchen.

"Where are you going?" Kate calls after him.

He pauses at the door, for a moment, "I have to get some fresh air."

He leaves the apartment. He doesn't answer his cell after he leaves. They don't see him for the entire rest of the day.

Alexis wakes up in the middle of the night, and heads into the kitchen. She grabs a cup, and stops in front of the fridge. She is drinking the water when she gets the sensation that someone is watching her. She looks up, and finds Castle standing at the counter. He watches her as she closes the door to the refrigerator. He can see it now. Underneath her loose fitting peach nightshirt. He sees the beginnings of a bump. She notices him staring at her. Without a word she pulls the shirt down, over the hem of the waistband of her pajama pants.

"When did you get home?"

"A couple of hours ago."

"Where have you been all day?"

"The library," he answers, semi-truthfully.

"You smell like alcohol," she points out from nearly four feet away.

"Then I stopped at a bar, and had a few drinks."

"What are you doing out here?"

"I decided to sleep on the couch."

"I didn't mean to wake you up," Alexis admits.

"It's okay. We need to talk."

"I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"Too bad."

"Dad I don't want to face this."

"Come here," he points.

She takes a few steps forward. He studies her facial expression.

"I want to see."

"No," she shakes her head, "you don't."

"Please," he says in a quiet tone.

She reaches for the hem of her shirt. She rolls it up briefly. He stares at her rounded stomach. She quickly pulls the shirt back down.

"Why did you go to Kate?"

"Because she listens."

"I listen."

"You would have lectured me. You would have been angry. You would have judged me."

"Alexis what do you want me to say? I am your father. It is my job to protect you from making mistakes."

"You can't protect me from everything."

"Obviously, not."

"I am sorry."

"Alexis I am not okay with any of this."

"Which part? The part where I am growing up, and I can make my own decisions. Or..."

"The fact that you felt like you couldn't come to me."

"You didn't see your face this morning. If you could have, then you would understand."

"I expected more from you."

"I know that you are disappointed."

"Yeah, I think that I have the right to be."

"You do."

"I never would have expected this from you."

"I know."

"What about Pi?"

"He left after I told him."

"Alexis I'm sorry, but the both of you are just kids."

"Which is exactly why I am placing the baby for adoption."

"Does Martha know about this?"

"No, just Kate."

"So do you know what it is?"

"No. Why would I find out? I am not keeping it. I don't need to get attached."

"Alexis I know that sometimes you have a tendency to live in a fairy tale."

"This is not a fairy tale. If I did have that tendency, you would be to blame."

"My point is that this isn't going to be easy. No matter how right it is, it is not going to be easy. It would be impossible not to get attached."

"I know. I don't want to know that it is."

"So no one knows?"

"I didn't say that. The doctor knows. Beckett knows."


	7. Through The Wringer

When she wakes up she feels as if she's not alone. She opens her eyes, and sits up in bed. She finds Castle sitting on the end of the bed looking thoroughly distraught. She pushes back the covers, and moves herself towards the end of the bed. She stops, seating herself next to him.

"What time did you get in last night?"

"Sometime after midnight."

"Are you okay?"

"I fell asleep on the couch. I woke up, and Alexis was in the kitchen of the middle of the night."

"Did you talk to her?"

"My little girl is having a baby. She isn't ready. She is nineteen. This is too much."

"For her, or for you?"

"Have you seen her stomach? I wanted so badly to pretend that this isn't happening, but how can I? There is no denying it. There is a baby inside of her. I don't know how I am supposed to be okay with that."

"I don't know that you are supposed to be okay."

"I am definitely not okay. She is still a child herself."

"I know."

"I just can't believe this is happening."

"Neither can I."

"You didn't tell me. You knew, and you didn't say anything."

"I know that you feel betrayed, and I don't blame you, but you have to try and understand."

"Try and understand what? You encouraged my daughter to hide the truth from me."

"No, I didn't. I told her that she should tell you, from the very beginning."

"What is your excuse for not telling me?"

"Because she begged me not to. Do you have any idea how completely out of her mind scared she is right now? It took a lot of courage to tell you at all."

"I am not talking about her, right now, I am talking about you. Why didn't you tell me?"

"She needed to trust me. I wasn't going to violate her trust, it has taken me far too long to earn. I understand your frustration, but I would do it again."

"You are going to be my wife. You are supposed to tell me everything. Is this how it's going to be when we get married? Are you going to hide things from me, then?"

"I didn't hide anything from you. I merely maintained silence while Alexis built the courage to tell you."

"Kate, that is a load of crap. She has known for months. She could have told me anytime. She should have told me sooner."

"What is it that you think you could have done? You wouldn't have changed her mind."

"I just don't understand. Why does she want to do this? Why does she want to put herself through this? It would have been easier..."

Kate cuts him off, "None of this has been easy for her. You have no idea how difficult this decision was for her to make?"

"No, because I wasn't there. One of the most important moments, one of the most important decisions of her life, and she didn't come to me. She came to you."

"That's what this is about? Do you think that I am trying to come between you, and Alexis?"

"I don't know, are you?"

She furrows her brow, "No. I am sorry that you feel betrayed, but she needed someone who wasn't going to judge her."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"She loves you, she worships you. She values your opinion more than anyone else's. Up until very recently her biggest fear was disappointing you. If she had told you, she would have done whatever you wanted her to do. But it wasn't your decision to make. It was, it is her decision. You can't make this choice for her. You can't fix this for her. I know you, and I know how badly you want to make all of this go away, and make her world perfect again, but you just can't. You can't fix it this time."

"How am I supposed to just sit back, and watch her do this?"

"You don't have a choice."

"I taught her better than this. She..."

Kate stops him in his tracks, "Rick this is exactly why she didn't come to you. She knows that she made a mistake, and the last thing she needed was a lecture. All she wanted was someone who would listen to her. Last time I checked, you aren't the best listener."

"She is _my_ daughter."

"Nothing is going to change that."

"My little girl is going to have a baby," he says on the verge of tears.

"Castle, I know that," she steps forward, and envelopes him in a hug.

After several moments he lets go, and looks at her, "I just don't understand. Why is she putting herself through this? If she isn't going to keep the baby why does she want to have it?"

"Because she wants to do the right thing."

"The right thing would have been preventing it in the first place."

"We are way past that, now."

"She is going to have to live with this for the rest of her life. As long as she lives she is going to have to think about the child she has out there, somewhere, in the world. She is always going to wonder."

"You mean, you're always going to wonder?"

"I don't want her to keep the baby, that isn't what I am saying," he clarifies.

"I know."

"I don't want her to be in this situation at all."

"You can't change it, now."

"It doesn't stop me from wanting to."

"You are always going to want to protect her. You are always going to want what is best for her. Did you ever stop and think that maybe that is all she is trying to do?"

"She grew up so fast. It seems like yesterday she was five years old, and all it took to make her happy was a tutu, and a swing-set. I just want her to be happy."

"So, don't be angry at her."

"Who am I supposed to be angry at?"

"If you need to be angry at someone, be angry at me."

"I hate that she chose to go to you. I hate that she was afraid to tell me. I want to be angry at you, but I know that you did the right thing. You were there for her, and that is what she needed."

"Do you really believe that?"

"You made her a promise, which you kept. She trusts you, and if she can't come to me, I am glad that she can come to you."

"She still hasn't told your mother, either."

"What about her mother?"

"She said that she wasn't going to tell Meredith, at all."

"She said that you know what the baby is going to be."

"Hopefully the president, or a governor, or..."

He cuts her off, "Boy, or girl."

"Oh," she smiles, devilishly.

"Do you know?"

"Of course I know. Who do you think went to her appointments with her?"

He shrugs, "I guess that I really didn't think about that aspect of it."

"I certainly wasn't going to let her go alone," Kate points out.

"So you know?"

"Yes."

"And you're going to tell me?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"You are the absolute worst secret keeper that I have ever met. If I tell you the entire world will know. Alexis made it very clear that she didn't want to know."

"I swear I won't tell her."

"I know you won't, because I am not telling you."

"Certainly there is some evidence. A piece of paper tucked away in an envelope, that is hidden somewhere."

"No."

"No? Are you just telling me that to keep me from looking for it?"

"No. There is no evidence. There is no envelope. The doctor whispered it into my ear."


	8. Unattached

"She doesn't want to talk to me right now," Castle points out, with a disappointed look on his face.

"She's just scared. All of this is scary for her."

"She isn't the only one who is scared," he admits.

"Do you want me to go check on her?"

"She certainly doesn't want to see me at this particular time," he answers.

She smiles, and heads towards the door. In the living room, as she heads for the stairs she takes a moment to breathe in the quiet. She relishes in the moment of peace, and quiet at the beginning of the day, before anyone else stirs, even if it is incredibly brief. She climbs the stairs, and heads down a hallway. She stops at a door that is slightly ajar. She peeks around the door. She finds Alexis lying in bed, but she can't determine whether she's actually sleeping or not. The floorboard squeaks underneath her foot as she takes a step.

"I'm not asleep," Alexis tells her, "you can come in."

Kate pushes the door open, and steps into the room. She makes her way across the room to Alexis' bed. She stops in front of the bed. Alexis sits up, and points to the edge of the bed.

"You can sit, if you want."

Kate nods, and takes a seat next to Alexis, "Are you okay?"

Alexis makes eye contact, "I don't know that okay would be the word for what I am."

"Fair enough."

"He is really angry."

"He is going to need some time to sort through all of his feeling about this."

"Do you think that he is ever going to forgive me for this?"

Kate cocks an eyebrow, "Forgive you? Alexis why would you ask that?"

"Because what I..."

Kate cuts her off, "You're his daughter. There is nothing that you could do that he wouldn't forgive you for."

"Except, maybe this."

"No."

"I am scared."

"I know."

"This isn't going to be easy."

"No one said that it would be."

"I have to tell you something."

"Okay," Kate nods, in agreement.

"He was right."

"Who?"

"Dad."

"He is right about a lot of things. What specifically are you referring to?"

"It would be impossible not to get attached."

"All I have heard from you for weeks is that you don't want to get attached."

"I don't want to, but it doesn't mean that I won't."

"That is what makes all of this so difficult."

"I was lying in bed last night, after I talked to day. I kept trying to put all of this out of my mind, and just go to sleep. I thought that I could ignore it for a while. I was lying here, with my eyes closed, almost asleep, and I couldn't ignore it."

"Because of your stomach?"

"It moved."

"Huh?"

"The baby, it moved. I felt it."

"Oh."

"For the first time I felt it move," she blinks away tears, "and I realized this is going to be a lot harder than I thought."

"Are you having second thoughts?"

"No. I know that this is the right thing to do."

"But?"

"I realized that it is going to have to be an open adoption. I can't carry a baby for nine months, give birth, and then never know what the baby looked like, or how it turned out."

"Alexis, are you sure about that?"

"I have to know. As much as I don't want to be a parent, and as much as I am not ready for this kind of responsibility, it doesn't change the fact that biologically, at least it is my baby. No matter how much I try to detach myself, or simply pretend that I feel no connection, I can't. There is someone living inside of me. I am always going to feel some sort of connection to this child."

"Alexis you need to tell Martha, too."

"I don't know if I can handle disappointing her, too, not right now."

"The longer you wait the worse it is going to be."

"I wish that none of them ever had to know."

"Why would you wish that?"

"Because I feel like an idiot for making a mistake like this."

"Everyone makes mistakes."

"Not like this."

"This is only a mistake if you don't learn anything from it."

"That is not the definition of a mistake," Alexis argues.

"So a baby, that is your definition of a mistake?"

"This baby is."

"Is that what you really believe?"

She shrugs, "I don't know."

"Would you really want this baby to think that it was a mistake?"

"I wouldn't want to create a complex for the kid, but it was definitely an accident."

"How long are you going to hide up here in your room?"

"I don't know," she shrugs, "Maybe until this thing drops."

"You still have to go to school."

"I don't have to."

"Yes, you do."

"You sound like... not my mother, because she would never say that, but you sound like someone's mother."

"Thank you," Kate smiles, as she slides off the bed, and heads for the door.

"It wasn't a compliment."

"Your grandmother will be home for lunch."

"I'm not hungry."

"You will be by lunch time."

"I am not ready to tell her. Why are you pushing me?"

"How much longer do you think that you can artfully hide that baby bump behind oversized hoodies, and loose fitting t-shirts, from your grandmother?"

"I was hoping at least the next five months or so."

"You have to tell her."

"It doesn't have to be today," Alexis argues.

"How long do you think your father can keep it a secret from her?"


End file.
